I don't really know how this all will end up, I may just babble on about nothing.

But right now I feel sad, alone, and I wanna give up. I am glad to have my friends become pregnant and I am happy for them. But when is it my turn? When will Heavenly Father let me have what I've wanted for more then my entire life? I know where these feelings are coming from and I know it isn't good to let them affect me, I'm trying with all my heart to have these feelings go away but they just keep coming back. Its just that it feels like Heavenly Father doesn't want me to be a mother, we've been waiting for almost 5 years and still nothing. I have tried and tried to not let it bother me I've done good, then today I learned that one of my friends is pregnant, I'm very happy for her I am, but it just iono.

The words "I never said it would be easy I only said it would be worth it, and you aren't ready" keep popping into my head. How do I know when I will be ready or not? Honestly...? I know He is teaching me patience, but 5 years?? :( I hear over and over again "don't worry it will happen, just not your time." Honestly I want to hit them, they don't know what its like they were pregnant right away.

As I read a friends blog tonight (well this morning) I wanted to cry because after all that she has been through she has been so strong through out the whole thing and I wish I could be that strong.

I've been listening to a lot of church much to help me calm down and sleep a lil more better at night and it helps. Well thats all for now..